


Don't Lose Sleep Over It

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt No Comfort, Innuendo, Inspired By Thomas Sanders' Shorts, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, POV Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sad Ending, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Unrequited Love, because i have no beta reader sue me, but just for remus patton janus and roman, not for virge my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Wait, hold up. If I fall in love I die?""Yes, if the love is unrequited.""You've got to be fucking kidding me."In other words: Hanahaki exists, Virgil exists, Sleepxiety angst exists, you reading the tags and being aware of your mental health exists.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 25
Kudos: 92





	Don't Lose Sleep Over It

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed the tags, there will be angst. And death. Be careful, okay?
> 
> This is set in a world post-pof, where Jan and Rem are in the process of being fully accepted into the group. Platonic Anxceit angst, people. I thrive on it.

Virgil really didn't want to spend his Sunday like this, but sometimes you just have to perservere. Even if perserverence is nonsensical, and terrifying, and happens _right in front_ of your carefully positioned eyeliner.

He had been curled up on his bed in a blanket burrito, listening to Let's Cheers To This, when he felt the signature tug of Logan summoning him. It was a horribly kept secret that Logan was terrible at summoning- Virgil's beautiful bangs had been yanked innumerable times by the clumsy hands of Logic. Even so, Logan usually wouldn't interrupt him if there wasn't something important to discuss. He, of all the sides, was the most understanding of Virgil's need for occasional solitude.

He tried to focus on these thoughts as he appeared in the living room. He really did. But it was very difficult, especially with the realization that this was not just a one-on-one talk with Logan, but a full group meeting. He stifled a groan. This kind of stuff was almost always better done when Thomas was there to moderate, to keep the group from constantly snapping at each other. They were always close enough to it as it was, which was as apparent as ever- Patton and Roman were having a dance off, and you could practically see the smoke coming from Logan's ears.

Logan noticed him and smiled, in his own subtle way. "Thank you for coming, Virgil. You're almost all here now."

Virgil stared in shock at the logical side, then slowly lifted his hand. He put up one finger, and used it to point at Roman.

"One." He brought up another, and gestured at Patton: "Two." In a final sweep of his other arm, he pointed at him and Logan. "Three and four. We're all here, aren't we? If there's going to be a five, or Vic Fuentes forbid, a six, I'm out. Gone. Zoinkzed by some mythical demon."

Logan sighed. "I am well aware of your views on our fellow, more anarchy-inclined sides, but this is a discussion that needs to include us all. It affects them as well as us."

Virgil lowered his hands and started fidgeting with the cord of his headphones, incensed. "Cryptic much? I feel like I'm talking to Tyler Joseph and Frank Iero combined. Remember the part where I'm Anxiety?"

"Oh, but how could we forget? Your charming personality is just so endearing."

Virgil whipped around. Standing next to Roman was a slimy, squishy reptile- also known as Janus Deceit Sanders. He started to hiss, but was caught off guard when Janus cleared his throat and shook his head slightly. "I apologize, Virgil, I didn't mean that. Force of habit, you know how it is."

Virgil squinted. "No, I don't, actually. We're not all pathological liars, dude."

"I'm well aware. It's a shame, really."

Virgil rolled his eyes, but his lack of another cutting response spoke volumes on its own. They could have some caricature of a truce, if it would make Logan happy. Logan wasn't happy very often. That was different now, and Virgil strongly suspected the cause belonged to the stack of papers in his arms. They were- oh god, they were numbered with Roman numerals. And peer-reviewed, if Virgil had read that correctly. Who peer reviewed the papers? Logan was the only side nerdy enough for anything even close to that!

Logan pointedly shifted the veritable novel in his arms so that Virgil couldn't read it. Great. Weren't blue and purple supposed to stick together? Virgil strongly considered writing a poem about his disdain for Logans' betrayal, but the thought was swept out of his head as another, rather striking (in the worst ways) figure swept into the room.

"Broskis, you aren't going to believe this! I felt this tugging in my gut, and at first I thought - stomach erection? Or maybe a new kink! But no!" Remus Creativity Duke Sanders practically skipped accross the room, and enveloped Virgil in a hug. "I got summoned! It feels like a needle in your intestines, how do you deal with it all the time?" Roman coughed, something that sounded suspiciously like ' _maybe if Logan was better at summoning'_. If the circumstances were different Virgil would have commented on the absolute shade, but now wasn't the time.

Virgil not-so-delicately pried Remus' arms from around his neck. "Logan, I know we said this involves all of us, but does he really need to be here? Honestly? Not only did he unironically say broski, but he's immediately talking about erections. We don't need this in any sort of discussion."

Remus looked heartbroken for a moment, before a look of glee spread accross his face. "Oh right! You left! I forgot. You know, it's so hard to remember things with nobody around to be anxious about them. You should come back and visit sometime! Wait no, you hate m- the dark side."

Virgil laughed scratchily. "Yeah, I left. It was kinda a big thing, remember? And of course I hate the dark side, it's full of booby traps."

Remus pouted. "Involuntary surprise bondage experiences! You should give them a chance, I know you'd like it."

Patton was blushing furiously by now, and Virgil didn't blame him. Remus hadn't changed one bit since they'd lived together. It was almost endearing, in the same way that watching a dumpster fire burn in slow motion was endearing. Not at all, and you had to wonder why anybody would bring the adjective anywhere the subject it was meant to describe.

Oops- Logan was getting angry again. That happened a lot. Virgil shooed Remus off to the opposite end of the room (thoughts and prayers, Pat) and tried to give the nerd his full attention. "Logan? You had something to tell us?"

"Thank you, Virgil. I do, in fact have something very important to share with you all. Do remember a few months ago, when I requested DNA samples from you all?"

"Is that why you were in my mouth with a stick? Logan, I'm disapointed!"

Logan glared at Remus. "It seems so. I have spent a good portion of time analysing all of our genetic code, and I've come to a rather troubling conclusion."

Roman cut in, confused. "Wait, but we're all the same person! Why would we have different DNA?"

"As much as it would seem like that should be, it is not. For example, Janus is part snake, and Remus' taste receptors barely work. We all have our own quirks that make us unique." Logan glared at the room, as if daring the others to ask any more question. When nobody spoke up, he resumed explaining. "We all share a gene that should not be present in any human. Upon experimentation and research, I've concluded that we all have a currently dormant version of _flos pulmonem_ \- or Hanahaki disease.

"Hanahaki? Is that an STD?"

Logan ignored Remus. "Even I do not fully understand the condition, other than information found in... written fanworks. From both our fans and many others. Apparently, when the afflicted falls in love (I have not been able to discern if this is limited to strictly romantic love), and believes their attractions to be unrequited, flowers will start growing in the lungs. It begins with individual petals, then buds, then full flowers. When the stems start growing death is inevitable. The only way to fix this, as far as I have discerned, is either to confess feelings for the other- and have them returned- or for a surgical removal."

Patton finally spoke up. "Well, wouldn't it be best to go for the removal every time? It would be awful if I had to make somebody sad because they didn't love me back, and I don't want to do that to them!"

Logan grimaced slightly. "About that. It seems that all potential for romantic love is rendered null upon the surgery. It may even be true that all feelings towards the love interest are wiped out, including platonic."

There was a ringing silence in the mindscape. Patton stared around at the rest of them, looking horrified. Janus was showing the scaly side of his body more than he had in months, Roman was fidgeting, and even Remus looked slightly unsettled. Virgil had to hold back a laugh before he spoke. "Wait, hold up. If I fall in love I die?"

"Yes, if the love is unrequited."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is a fictional disease! We're imaginary! We shouldn't even have different DNA, for fucks sake! Why is nobody else questioning any of this? I, for one, call bullshit."

Janus cleared his throat. "Actually, Virgil, as the bullshitting extraordinaire, I can assure you that everything Logan is saying is factual. Or at least, he believes it to be, and I'm rather inclined to trust his judgement."

Virgil shook his head, like he was trying to clear something out of it. "Alright. Alright. Coolio. I just need to-" He waved vaguely, and sank out with no further explanation. The other sides understood.

-

Patton was the first one, because of course he was. The man was so full of love for all of them, it was inevitable that some of it would turn romantic. The real surprise was the focus of his love.

It had been a normal Friday evening, for the most part. Game night. Janus was currently absolutely crushing Virgil and Logan at Monopoly ( _"How are you this good at capitalism? You're an egoist!" "I can be whatever I need, dearest Virgil." "Even a monarchist?" "Fuck no, get your mind out of the gutter.")_ Remus and Roman were playing twister, and Patton was working the spinner.

It was after one of Remus' crude jokes- ( _"Wow, daddy, you're real good with those fingers. Want to show me more later?")_ that it had happened. Patton suddenly stopped and went completely pale, almost dropping the spinner in his hands. This in itself wasn't so strange, Patton often had adverse reactions to Remus' humor; but him running off with some excuse about the cumin in the pasta that night, heading straight for the bathroom definitely was.

Logan watched him go with a bemused expression. "I thoroughly check all of our meals, as does Virgil. The pasta should have been fine."

"I'll go check on him." Four pairs of shocked eyes turned to stare at Remus, who looked defensive. "Hey, I can do nice things sometimes! Besides, it was what I said that made him run away, so I should apologize."

Roman still looked suspicious, but he nodded. "Okay. But I'm coming with you, little bro."

"We're the same age. Little bro."

"You hypocrite!" The only three remaining listened as the twins' banter trailed off, glancing between themselves. At some point, Virgil and Janus' temporary truce had extended, and become a friendship of sorts. Not that either one would ever admit it. Nevertheless, they were comfortable with one another to immediately start gossiping.

Virgil started. "So, there's no way Pat's actually sick. D'ya think he just got that creeped out by Rem? He's been getting better with you two, we all ha- we all helped him."

"That was one of the cleanest things Remus has said all week, and he usually notches it up in front of Mo- Patton." A thoughtful look crossed Janus' face, and he turned to look at Logan. "Hey, do you think it could be-"

He was cut off by a high pitched scream that could only belong to one side. "EW! Are those green flowers? The aesthetic, Patton, god, the aesthetic! They're so ugly!" Roman rushed back into the room, dragging the other two behind him. "This is a crime against fashion. Petals are not meant to be green, Patton, that's for stems! You should kno- wait, why is everybody staring at me?"

Logan cleared his throat. "Uh, Roman. Where do you think those flowers came from?"

"Patton summoned them, right? Wait, but Padre-"

"Can't summon things, yes. Especially flowers. That ability is limited to you and your twin."

"But that means-" Roman turned slightly to a furiously blushing Patton. Then he slowly, incredulously, rotated his head towards his brother. "No."

Patton coughed. "I really was going to tell you. Or Logan, at least. I guess the surgery isn't as appealing as I thought it was!" He looked around guiltily. "I'll get it, though. Sorry for making a big fuss about all this."

Janus chimed in- was he smirking? At a time like this? Virgil was starting to remember why they'd hated each other for so long. "Actually, Patton, I think you may want to discuss that with a certain somebody before making a decision of that weight." 

"Who-" Patton turned to see Remus, who was barely behind him. There was a completely awestruck look on his face, as he grabbed Pattons' hand in his own.

"You- me- fucking in a- wait, no, that's not right. Love! Yes, that's the one. Ew." Pattons' face fell for a moment, but Remus corrected himself quickly. "I mean, ew mostly! Not for you! Especially... not for you."

"Oh"

"Oh"

"You know, I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but can you two just kiss already? The sexual tension in here is making it harder to breathe than in the Dragon Witches' cave." Roman waved them away. Patton blushed even harder at that, but Remus grinned brightly and started to sink down. Patton followed him, and they were kissing before even reaching the floor.

After a tense pause, Janus burst into laughter. "Patton and Remus- of all the fucking pairs- oh my lord. This is gold."

Roman laughed too. "You have to admit, it's pretty cute. Is that why Remus was always so much more 18+ around Pat? Is that how he flirts? I don't want to think about my brother flirting, but holy hecking Hercules. I'm going to need a few decades to process this."

Later, Remus would admit to having eaten his blue petals ( _"Why would I get the surgery? They tasted so good!")_ and Patton hadn't been able to stop giggling. Virgil had to admit, it was nice to see his father figure so happy- but he drew the line at calling Remus his step-dad. Especially not with the suggestive wink Remus had given along with the proposition. That was never going to happen.

-

Roman and Janus had been a lot different. Mainly because they hadn't kept it a secret at all, at least not from Virgil.

Roman had come into his room late one evening, and fallen with a great sigh onto his bed. One arm thrown dramatically across his forehead in what was virtually a swoon, he wailed. "I have been captured! Enraptured! Thoroughly, and utterly... ah, fucked! I'm fucked, Virgil. I have fallen in love with the bullshitter, with the fibber, with the sinful snake!" A dreamy look passed along his features. "I wouldn't be opposed to engaging in some sins with him myself, if you catch my drift. After a proper wooing, of course!"

Virgil needed a moment to take this all in. "First of all- please stop being thirsty in front of my spiders. Second- Janus? Really? You've got the hots for the reptile?"

Roman sent him a dirty look. "Yes, if you insist on putting it like that. But to the point! This morning I woke up with THESE-" Here he pulled out a handful of yellow petals "- in my mouth! I know he doesn't love me yet, but I believe if I properly court him, he may!"

Virgil scoffed. "Court? Okay, take it from somebody who knew the snake for decades- he doesn't like all that traditional stuff. Society's standards and all that razzle dazzle. Also, how do you know he doesn't love you back? Have you tried, y'now, telling him? Or is that beneath the great Prince Roman."

"It is!" Roman sputtered. "Oh, you were being sarcastic. He also does that. It's a lot prettier on him, though. You're just a bitch."

Virgil threw a pillow at his head. "Dude, just talk to him. For a liar, he really hates being kept in the dark about stuff. He'll appreciate you being upfront. And maybe don't insult the person you're asking for help?"

"But that's just the problem! I need to slay something to properly confess, but he's always been the villain who needs slaying! It's just like I said before. Everybody loves a villain. Especially me."

"Alright, that's it. Tell Janus within the next week or I'll do it for you."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would. Now get out of my room, idiot."

Janus had been a lot more subtle than Roman. Which wasn't difficult, to be fair, but it had still taken Virgil a few moments to figure out. He had been, once again, trying to arrange his spiderwebs so that they could be used for the star breathing method, when he'd heard Janus appear with a huff.

Virgil turned around, trying to express as much disdain as he could with one raised eyebrow. It wasn't that much, since his bangs covered half his face, but it was the thought that counted. "What'cha want, Jay? Why do you always interrupt me during redecoration?"

Janus was trying so hard to be nonchalant it was almost painful to watch. He picked at the tips of his gloves. "Oh, no reason. Just... you are good friends with Roman, right?"

This was getting undeniably weird. "Yeah. Why? Gonna impersonate him?"

Janus looked up sharply, with just a little too much genuine emotion in his face before smoothing it over again. "Of course not. I wouldn't come to you for that information. I was just wondering what kind of foods he likes? Or items, anything of the sort. For research purposes." His voice cracked a bit too much on the last word, and Virgils' eyes narrowed. Had he just choked something down, or was that his overactive imagination?

"Jay, we lived toge- we were friends for almost thirty years. I know when you're lying to me."

"Lie? Me? I'm quite frankly offended that you would even suggest such a thing. I have never lied in my life! In fact-" Janus' words were cut off by a violent cough. Two bright red roses spilled from his throat, already in full bloom. 

Virgils' eyes widened in shock and concern. "Never lied, huh?"  
  


It had worked out in the end, because things always did for people like Roman and Janus. Virgil set them up on a picnic date, with Remus' help, and left a note at the bottom of the basket that read 'tell each other, shitheads.' Roman had disappeared into Janus' room by that same evening.

-

The two pairs were happy. It almost hurt, seeing how much Patton and Remus doted over each other, how Roman and Janus would constantly be exchanging little gifts, constantly flirting, constantly competing. Virgil and Logan were left in the audience, breathless from the show. They ended up spending a lot of time together as a result, the only two were weren't almost constantly tied up with dates and cuddling and all the other things that Virgil didn't especially want to think about.

They were reading together in Logans' library when Virgil finally voiced some of his concerns. "Hey, you know how Rem and dad are together? And Jay and Princey?"

Logan adjusted his glasses. "Yes, it's quite difficult to miss. Did you forget these facts, somehow?"

"No! No, I was just thinking. We're the only two left, aren't we? Doesn't it make sense that we should also be" Virgil struggled to articulate his thoughts "Barfing up flowers over each other, or however it works?"

Logan closed his book and turned to Virgil. "Virgil, if that is how you feel about me-"

"Absolutely not. Never. You're like, my nerdy best friend, or whatever." Logan sighed in relief. "But isn't it odd? We both also have the disease."

Logan thought about that for a while, before speaking again. "I don't think it is. I, personally, lack what I believe is necessary to form that kind of emotional romantic bond with somebody. And in general, a significant other is not necessary for happiness. We can be fulfilled with only platonic relationships."

Virgil nodded at that, and dropped the subject. He really did want to be just as comfortable as Logan with their situation, but he just couldn't. He couldn't stop feeling lonely when he couldn't sleep at night, and he couldn't stop wishing that there was someone he could just talk to without reservation. He wished he could love someone and be loved.

Over the next few months, Virgil tried to forget about his lonliness. He spent almost all of his time with Logan, reading more than he had possibly over the entire rest of Thomas' lifespan. He got an electric blanket to try to ignore how cold he was at night. He even repaired his relationships with Remus and Janus fully, trying to sponge up as much platonic affection as he could. And for a while, it was enough, it was working- his friends were enough.

That all changed, at a time when Virgil least expected it to. Roman had invited him to an adventure into the imagination, to meet somebody he said was 'special'. They barely got to hang out alone anymore, so Virgil gladly accepted.

"Where are we going anyway, Princey? You could barely have been less ominous with that. You do realize I'm the worrying side, right?"

Roman waved him off. "I promise it's a good surprise, Asking Alex-sad-ria! You're just going to have to wait to find out."

"Okay, whatever you say, thanks for listening to my concerns." Virgil rolled his eyes and trailed after his friend. As much as he hated to admit it, the Imagination really was beautiful. It ranged from detailed villages to barely-thought-out ideas that floated in the air like drunken birds. There were disgustingly many snakes around, many of them with heart-shaped scales. 

After a long trek, Roman finally announced that they had arrived. They were standing in front of what looked like- no, WAS an exact replica of Thomas' house. "Why did you bring me to a copy of the house, Roman? We could have just stayed home and skipped all this."

"Do you have no patience? It is the people inside who I'm sure you'll be excited to meet!"

"Who could possibly- oh." Somebody had opened the door. Somebody who was holding a cup of coffee, and had a hastily-taped-on sign labelled 'sleep' hanging from his shirt.

The man looked Virgil up and down. "RoRo, you brought a friend this time! And a cute one. How're you doing, gurl?"

Virgil was quite certain he'd never blushed so much as in that moment. His toungue had also suddenly decided not to work. Curse his anxious brain! Luckily, Roman came to his rescue.

"Don't worry, Virge. Remy's like this with everybody." Virgil couldn't help the pang of disappointment at the words. "He's not even who I wanted you to meet! Remy, do you know where Anx is?"

Remy snorted. "Bae is in the living room, hogging the couch. You know I hate being around him, so I was about to leave when you showed up. Feel free to take up all of his time for the next forever." With that, and a small flick of his hair, the figment was past them and gone into the depths of the Imagination.

Roman, ignorant to Virgils' gaping, pulled him into the house and towards the living room. In it was sitting- "My shorts character? Or, inspiration?"

"Yep! Virgil, meet Andy."

-

That had been all well and good for a while. They had their little adventure, Virgil met Andy and they bonded, and then they went back home. Virgil tried not to think about the Short in the leather jacket, with a cup of coffee and a smirk, but it did no good.

He ended up going back. He gave some excuse to Roman about how he wanted to talk to Toby about Halloween decorations, and went back to the Imagination to search for the tired figment. Virgil finally found him, nursing yet another cup of coffee, basking in the gentle glow of the sun.

"Hey."

Virgil walked up to Remy. He had to stuff his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking. This was a bad idea, a bad idea, a bad idea-

"Calm down, bitch. Your anxious vibes are messing with my nap." Remy sat up, squinting. "You need something? Please tell me Roman isn't still trying to get me to make Toby cool it with the decorations, he should know I don't have any control over them."

"No, it's not that. I just wanted to talk, I guess?"

"Is that a question, or not? Actually, I'm a hypocrite, aren't I. Andy says I talk like a teenager who's been watching too many romcoms."

Virgil laughed at that, and they fell into easy conversation. The silences weren't as awkward as they really should have been, and Virgil actually found himself drifting off to sleep peacefully for the first time in ever, really. Being around the embodiment of sleep tended to do that to a side, even if that side had crippling anxiety and an inferiority complex. So, like Remy with his caffiene addiction, Virgil went back. Again and again. At a point, he stopped lying to Roman about it, just saying that he was off to visit Sleep in the Imagination. He knew he was in love, but part of him believed that Remy had to love him back.

That part of him got crushed like a dandelion. They were having one of their regular conversations, when Remy mentioned something.

"For an anxious bitch, you're pretty great to talk to. I'm gonna miss you."

Virgil turned in concern. "Why would you miss me? I'm not going to stop coming over, if that's what you're asking."

Remy laughed. "Nah, nothing like that. But I'm a figment, not a side. A Short at best. I'm only here if I'm needed, and Thomas has moved on from the Sleep sketches. I'm the last original Figment left by now, actually. The rest faded too."

No. No no no no. This couldn't be happening. "But you can't just leave!"

Remy looked at Virgil in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because, what about- what about me?"  
  


"What about you? You're a side, I'm a figment. You'll move on. Being real with you, I'm not sure why you kept sticking around to talk to me, because I don't really have a huge personality. I'm one trait. You're a sixth of everything that makes Thomas himself. But who am I to question the ways of Sides?"

Virgil grabbed onto Remy's sleeve. "You can stay, right? I'll talk to Roman. He'll think of more Sleep sketches. He has to!"

Remy laughed bitterly. "I couldn't do that. I'm basically the love child of the creative process and a frap, it would be pretty weird for me to just derail the whole process. No, I'll just fade. Have a nice life, Virge-y boy!"

Virgil could only watch, helpless, as Remy walked off. He was already looking blurry at the edges.

A few dark flower petals fell from his mouth, marring the bright green grass around him.

-

It was Logan who ended up finding Virgil, a week later. Curled up on his bed, surrounded by black roses, with dozens of stems sprouting from his mouth. Dark thorns speared their way through his throat, and the blood almost made the flowers look like regular roses. Almost.

There was a note, clenched in Virgil's cold hand. 'couldn't let him go. tell the others i'm sorry.'

'don't lose sleep over me.'

**Author's Note:**

> I would greatly appreciate a comment or kudos! If you see any typos destroy me with facts and logic.


End file.
